ELVIS IS BACK IN THE BUILDING

Last year’s totally sold-out smash hit  THE KING AND ME returns to Perth for The Fringe in 2016 at THE SHAMBLES – Perth Cultural Centre Jan 26-31 starts 6PM.  Same great cast, same great IMG_1527songs Don’t miss out this time – book early for the best hour you’ll spend all summer!!!  http://www.fringeworld.com.au

CD of songs out now and available http://davewarner.tictail.com  http://kingandmemusical.com/  #fringeworld #suburbanboy #martincilia

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THE KING AND ME CD OUT NOW

THE KING AND ME –   CD now available http://davewarner.tictail.com/

Written by “The Suburban Boy” Dave Warner, The King and Me is a musical comedy which had its debut season at Perth Fringe 2015. The show which contains nine original songs written by Dave and Martin Cilia (Atlantics) was a smash hit, selling out every seat of every performance.

The history of the CD is a tale in itself as it comprises songs recorded from as early as 1992 to as recent as July 2015. When the show was originally written the idea was to use Elvis Presley songs but later Dave decided to use his own material. He had a number of songs in a country-rockabilly style, some already recorded with such fine musicians as the late Chris Bailey (The Angels, Gangajang), Mal Green (Split Enz), Ian Simpson (Slim Dusty) and Martin Cilia (Atlantics, Mental as Anything) and produced by Greg Macainsh (Skyhooks) and Martin. Dave and Martin were able to marry this existing material with a number of new songs written specifically for The King and Me.

The female vocals are supplied by Dave’s wife Nicole Binet who has worked on a number of projects with Dave and Martin. Dave’s regular drummer Lloyd Gyi (Perry Keayes band) played on the 2015 tracks. Backing vocals come from some former doyens of the Perth pub scene, Dick Haynes (Loaded Dice) and Bill Beare (The Fingerprints) along with Dave’s musical associate of forty years, Tony Durant (Fuchsia, Dave Warner’s From the Suburbs).

The cd features a variety of songs from the Elvis-eque   title track to the tongue-twisting Rude Crude Home Brewed Spit Tobacco and Chew Boys and the moving ballad Twinkling of an Eye. The CD represents the songs in full whereas in the stage show some of the songs are edited or sung by different characters.

The King and Me is a feel good musical about artistic persistence in the face of difficulties. In its own way, the CD, spread out over twenty-five years is a living expression of that theme too.kingmecdcover.jpeg

A Decision

Source: A Decision

DEREK OF THE YEAR

DEREK OF THE YEAR

Back around 1982 Johhny Ryan (aka Leopard ) and I began doing a bit of comedy with our mates Damien O’Doherty, Cath Jennings, David Zampatti with guest appearances from Caroline McKenzie, Geoff Kelso and Attila Ozdalay.  This was one of the first sketches Johnny and I wrote. The photos are from a season of THE AMAZING TREE PEOPLE at the Old Melbourne Hotel. Damien and I teamed up again in Perth this October at Downstairs His Majesty’s and had a lot of fun.

derek of the year opening gambits 001

DEREK OF THE YEAR OPENKING GAMBIT

 

 

COMPERE
Hello and welcome to the Derek of the Year contest. Our first Derek is a real-estate salesman from Double Bay. Nervous?

DEREK 1
A little but you should have seen me when I had to dance with Kylie at the Logies.

COMPERE
Derek what do you enjoy doing?

DEREK 1
Snowskiing, wine-tasting, paying off my car and relaxing with a good book.

COMPERE
What are you reading at the moment?

DEREK 1
I’m halfway through the instruction manual on my car radio.

COMPERE
I understand a funny thing happened recently.

DEREK 1
Well, you’re never going to believe it but it all started when I got really pissed up at Club Kakadu’s salsa night. Wow my head was spinning but I had to get home to get my ragu with harissa out of the oven when I dropped a cigarette down my half-open Kalvin Klein, glanced at my fuel gauge and realised it was Empty … you can imagine how I felt. Anyway I found a servo, it was self-serve but I was desperate … and what I did, no I can’t tell you you’ll all think I’m a wanker.

COMPERE
No we won’t.

DEREK 1
I put E10 in the tank instead of Premium Unleaded.

COMPERE
BP?

DEREK 1
No. I was RS I wouldn’t have done it otherwise.

COMPERE
Well here’s your opponent. Derek a car-salesman from French’s Forest. Hi Derek.

DEREK 2
Call me Dezza.

COMPERE
Nervous?

DEREK 2
I haven’t been this nervous since I had to bend over in front of Derek 1 to tie a shoelace in the contestant’s waiting room.

COMPERE
I understand a funny thing happened to you recently?

DEREK 2
I wouldn’t call leaping out of a plane and having your chute fail to open, funny.

COMPERE
I didn’t know that happened to you.

DEREK 2
It didn’t but I wouldn’t call it funny.

COMPERE
And now the first part of the contest: DANCING!

They dance.

COMPERE (CONT’D)
Phew I’m worn out and I wasn’t even dancing. Dezza what do you look for most in a woman?

DEREK 2
Personality … brains and personality. I don’t go out with dogs though.

DEREK 1
I go for girls who like a hard bout of lovemaking before relaxing in a jacuzzi with a nice Chardonnay.

COMPERE
Pet Peeves?

DEREK 2
Guys who insist on doing silly little tricks with cigarette packets when we all know they should be up your sleeve out of sight.

DEREK 1
Girls who drink half their time drinking your Chardonnay and the other half peeing it into your jacuzzi.

COMPERE
And pleasures?

DEREK 1
Simple moments: Sunset, the Beach, my French bulldog Rimbaud splashing behind my ankles in the surf.

DEREK 2
For me it’s that first beer when your throat burns like that gravel road you and your trailbike have just conquered.

COMPERE
Now it’s time for combat gentelmen.

A YOUNG WOMAN ENTERS. THE MEN CIRCLE HER.

COMPERE (CONT’D)
Both men sussing their target, circling with suitable aloofness. And what must be going through their minds right now? Does she like music? Is she an outdoors type? Does she fuck?

BOTH
Drink?

GIRL
I’ll have a Vodka and milk please.

d.o.t.y. The Tussle 001

THE TUSSLE

 

 

DEREK 2
I’m surprised I haven’t seen you here before.

GIRL
It’s my first time.

DEREK 1
Same here.
(looks at Derek 2)
I’ve been told the regulars are very boring.

GIRL
My sister comes here all the time.

COMPERE
Costly mistake – one of the perils of going for the man.

DEREK 1
I … don’t know why I said that

COMPERE
Clumsy

DEREK 1
But I haven’t felt myself since one of my polo ponies died this morning.

GIRL
You poor thing. It’s terrible to lose something you love.

COMPERE
Nice recovery.

DEREK 2
I couldn’t help noticing what lovely hands you have. You’re some sort of artist aren’t you?

GIRL
Actually I’m a typist.

DEREK 1
Pianist, typist, there’s no real difference.

DEREK 2
I’ve always had an interest in typing.

GIRL
I don’t like men doing women’s work.

DEREK 2
Call being a war correspondent in Afghanistan “women’s work”.

DEREK 1

What do you like?

GIRL
Drinking 9 or 10 glasses of Chardonnay and then relaxing in a nice warm jacuzzi.

DEREK 1
(aside)
Better top up the chlorine.

GIRL
What was that?

DEREK 1
I said is your sister’s name Maureen?

GIRL
As a matter of fact it is. Do you know her?

DEREK 1
No. I’ve admired her from afar but never had the courage to say hello. I’m just a shy kind of guy I guess. Did you see me in the Club Kakadu wet jocks competition?

GIRL
You don’t seem shy.

DEREK 1
I’m so shy that when I invite a beautiful woman to an expensive restaurant I order separate fondues and then hide in the toilet till she’s finished eating both of them.

GIRL
That is shy. Is there a reason?

DEREK 1
It all started at primary school when I went to our fancy dress party as the front end of a horse.

DEREK 2
So?

DEREK 1
Little Percy Penfold was in the back end … dressed as Pinoccio.

GIRL
Did it leave you scarred?

DEREK 1
Do new tyres leave skidmarks when you drop it back it a cog?

GIRL
You poor thing. With your diseased mind and your polo pony dying this morning.

DEREK 1
And my gold pendant broke and took three hairs from my chest with it.
She falls into his arms to soothe him.

COMPERE
Masterful display. He’s used every trick in the book bar the rehabilitated drug-addict.

Derek 2 falls to his knees thumps the floor and bellows.

DEREK 2
Why me? Why me? Oh God oh God why me?

GIRL
Is anything the matter?

DEREK 2
No. Nothing.

d.o.t.y. Winning Move - Derek sobs about his addiction 001.jpg

DEREK 2’S WINNING MOVE

 

GIRL
Then why are you sobbing and beating your fist rhythmically on the floor?

DEREK 2
Oh I don’t want to burden anyone so beautiful and understanding as you with my sordid past. Go on have fun, I’ll be okay. I’ve nearly licked it …or it’s nearly licked me. Just one more cap of stag and I’ll be flying high, old good time Derek again like I was when I was a green kid starting out in the new car showroom, all innocence and platform soles. They even encouraged me to sit in the cars, said sniffing the upholstery wouldn’t do any harm. And probably they were right.  But when your wife leaves you and your automatic sprinkler system rusts up and some new guy wants to write new car warranties in your blood, it’s then, then you start looking for a way out.

GIRL
What a tragic life. If only there was some way I could help.

DEREK 2
There is. Let’s no beat around the bush … not yet anyway … come back to my place and we’ll talk, just talk, that’s all. Then I’ll drive you home.

GIRL
But I live in Newcastle.

DEREK 2
No probs, I used to be a rally driver before I was a war correspondent.
They leave.

COMPERE
Bad luck Derek.

DEREK 1
Hey, he needed her more than I did. Let’s face it: a true Derek knows no woman can satisfy him the way he can satisfy himself.

 

THANK YOU HIGH COUNTRY

DSC_0050 DSC_0061 DSC_0048DSC_0041THANK YOU HIGH COUNTRY LIBRARIES

Tony and I are back in Sydney after completing a fantastic six-talk “tour” of libraries for the Alpine Library Corporation. We met so many interesting and friendly people, both staff and listeners, and it was a real pleasure. The scenery was spectacular. The tour began in the lovely Mt Beauty where our small crowd of creative types and booklovers got us off to a wonderful start. Elle, Lindy, Sue et al you were great and I hope to get back to one of your festivals and play some music in the near future. Bright Library was superb, not even a huge thunderstorm dampening the warmth of those there. I was particularly pleased to sign an old Mugs Game cassette and to chat with old fans and convert some new ones. Librarian Andy was a true Suburban Boy and Scott from The Bright Bookstore a top bloke – hope you sell a few of my books Scott. At Myrtleford the friends of the Library were delightful and Pete not only shelled out for a Suburban Boy t-shirt but pointed me in the direction of a fine sausage roll. Loueen at Wangaratta coordinated a great night and we met more creative people like Luke and Annie who make sure Wang is a happening hotbed. I hope to get back and star in a house party sometime soon. Benalla the next day reinforced what a hub of creativity this part of the world is. We were most appreciative Ken Shaw too the trouble to come over for the talk and Alice was marvellous and very generous as she bought a cd for her son and a book too. I had an enlightening chat with my fellow writer Carla from the north-east Artisans who have some wonderful craft and art on display. If you are passing through Benalla it is a must see: wonderful paintings, woodwork, design and so on. Our stint concluded in marvellous Mansfield where my long time chums Kerry and Denise – who began all this – joined with librarian Sharon and her crew to deliver us a bumper crowd of enthusiastic Mansfieldians. I look forward to the future when Kerry gets together a film festival and I can do it all again. Once again, thank you all it was a marvellous experience.DSC_0037DSC_0041

CANCER IN RATS

Back around 1980 I started experimenting with verse to a monotonous beat – this was before I’d heard of Rap but I guess that’s what it was, or some Aussie suburban version anyway.  Johnny Leopard and I used to do this “song” – By the way it was well before Neighbours so the names in the fourth verse were somewhat prophetic.

CANCER IN RATS

Disco dudes who’ve all gone New Wave
And geometric patterns on slatterns who bought
The latest Linda Ronstadt album and thought
That gave them some sort of renegadie cool
When dancing at a disco or lounging by a pool
Warming tray rissoles covered in fat
These are some of the amazing things that make me sick but
Don’t produce cancer in rats.

 Mediocre groups who think they’re God’s gift to Australia
Cause they come from Britain and their clip’s on Countdown
And vamps standing side of the stage
Deliberately cool while suckers out front rage
Some jerk on display in an official tour jacket
These are some of the amazing things that make me sick but
Don’t produce cancer in rats.

Sports commentators in safari suits
Skivvies with medallions and hippies with flutes
Questions like “How’s your lady man?’
People who spend summer deepening their tan
Pseudo surfies with new roof racks
These are some of the amazing things that make me sick but
Don’t produce cancer in rats.

Names like Kirsten Jason or Kylie
Rolling Stone readers with no thoughts of their own
Dogs who attack when your friend’s out of the room
Costello imitators, Presley clones
Mothers with runny-nosed ill-mannered brats
These are some of the amazing things that make me sick but
Don’t produce cancer in rats.

Kids on TV, television quiz shows
Salesmen in vinyl jackets with Denis Lillee mos
Asian deejays with Yankee accents
Liberal Swedes and concerned French students
Unnecessary freeways pub curry and rice
These are some of the amazing things that make me sick but
Don’t produce cancer in mice.leopardbeer

TONIGHT AT DJANGO LAST GIG FOR 2015

Suburban Soldiers apart from a library tour to the Victorian high country, tonight at Marrickville’s Django Bar will be my last gig for 2015. Great band line-up @Tony Durant @Martin Cilia @Lloyd Gyi, Bill Beare and @Nicole Warner. Some rare treasure songs (Lonely Sailor, Vignettes) which sound fabulous with this amazing line-up – would love to see you if you can make it. Here’s lyrics to one of the numbers.

WOMAN WHO DROWNED IN HER OWN APARTMENT

Riff – Em – G – Am   / C – Am – Em

THIS IS A SONG ABOUT A WOMAN WHO DROWNED IN HER OWN APARTMENT SHE KNEW THE VALUE OF A SOO BUT SHE DIDN’T KNOW WHAT ART-MENT

SURE SHE COULD PLOT ITS RETURN ON A COMPARATIVE YIELD CURVE BUT HER HEART REMAINED EMPTY THOUGH HER FRIDGE WAS FULL OF VEUVE

SHE WORE SMART SUITS TO THE BATTLEFIELD OF THE NIKKEI AND THE DOW SHE RODE A DOW IN ASWAN AND A SWAN IN MACAU

SHE WAS A WOMAN OF THE NEXT MILENNIUM BUT DESPITE ALL THIS SHE DROWNED IN HER OWN CONDIMINIUM

THIS IS A SONG ABOUT A WOMAN WHO DROWNED IN HER OWN APARTMENT, IT BEGAN WITH A LEAKY TAP JUST A DRIP NO GREAT EXCITEMENT

IT WAS BENEATH HER TO CALL A PLUMBER AND ANYWAY THEIR PRICES WERE TOO HIGH, SHE THOUGHT HER BRAINS WOULD KEEP HER RICH AND HER PRIDE WOULD KEEP HER DRY

HEY `WDYA WDYA’ SHE WAS A WOMAN IN CONTROL, SHE’D GOLFED FROM GAZA TO THE PLAZA DEL SOL

SO THOUGH HER SHOES WERE DAMP FROM THE STRANGE IRRIGATION STILL SHE FELT NO NEED TO PANIC AT THIS MINOR IRRITATION

BY THE TIME SHE CALLED HER BROKER HER NAIL-ARTIST AND HER SHRINK, THE CONTENTS OF HER FLAT WERE UNDER THREAT FROM THE CONTENTS OF HER SINK

BUT IN THE EXECUTIVE MIND COMMON SENSE ABOUNDS, SHE STRIPPEP HEÒ WET CLOTHES FROM HER BODY MOVED THE CAT TO HIGHER GROUND

SHE GLAD-WRAPPED HER WALKMAN AND KELVIN KLEIN RAINCOAT SHE FLOATED HER SONDHEIMS ON CONDOMS INFLATED, SHE REFUSED TO CALL FOR HELP-WHAT WOULD HER FRIENDS SAY? AND SO SHE DROWNED AT ONE PM ON A WEDNESDAY

THEY SAY AS YOU DROWN YOUR WHOLE LIFE FLASHES BEFORE YOUR EYES, SO WHAT SHE SAW WAS NO MORE THAN SHE COULD BUY

AND DID SHE FRET AND POUT AS DEATH CALLED HER TO HIS DISCO? NO THOUGH SHE WAS PISSED THAT NOW SHE’D MISS THAT BALL IN SAN FRANCISCO

HER CROWD WERE UNFORGIVING SORTS,THEY’D NOT FORGET THE SNUB, SHE HAD CLUBBED WITH TRUMP, TRUMPED WITH CLUBS

BUT PRESTIGE DOESN’T HELP WHEN YOU’RE RUNNING OUT OF HEADROOM, A FIREMAN WITH TATTS FOUND HER BOBBING AGAINST THE CEILING OF HER BEDROOM

THAT WAS A SONG ABOUT A WOMAN WHO DROWNED IN HER OWN APARTMENT

SHE KNEW THE VALUE OF A SOO BUT SHE DIDN’T KNOW WHAT ART-MEANT,

SHE SOUGHT THE MEANING OF LIFE BUT WON ONLY THE MEANESS OF DEATH, SHE RODE A DOW IN ASWAN BUT SHE RAN OUT OF BREATH

IN HER OWN CONDIMINIUM AT ONE PM ON A WEDNESDAY, WITH BARELY A SOUND, SHE DROWNED